


Tannis' Logs

by Ainsley_Harriot



Category: Borderlands
Genre: (My jokes aren't funny), Gen, Humor, Writing Exercise
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-29
Updated: 2016-12-29
Packaged: 2018-09-13 02:58:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9103495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ainsley_Harriot/pseuds/Ainsley_Harriot
Summary: Patricia Tannis has a lot going on in her mind at any given time, and can't always sweat the little things. Writing down her thoughts and observations helps keep things straight in her head.Essentially, a collection of extended biographies about Vault Hunters. A writing exercise taken far too far by far, so far.T for language and content.





	1. Tannis' Introduction

From the logs of Doctor Patricia Tannis:

Salutations, my name is Patricia Tannis. I hold Doctorates of Philosophy in Eridian History, Eridian Technology and Engineering, and Vault Studies, as well as an Associate's Degree in Wine-Tasting. My work here on the planet of Pandora has revolutionized the way we as a species integrate the works left behind by the alien species known colloquially as "Eridians" and scientifically as "Eridians." I perfected the Sherman's Set for decoding and translating Eridian information-storage methods. My Doctoral thesis provided the functional model utilized by Klingman in his creation of E-tech weaponry as we know it. I proposed the now-contentious Tannis Theory of Space-Time contraction, based on the apparent principles of Eridian phase-tech, and I maintain that the test-ship arriving before it departed is proof of the validity of the theory. The Eridians, before their disappearance, achieved a level of understanding of reality that has so far remained mostly unrecognized by the Human species. The obvious path before us is to attempt to tap the collective knowledge of the Eridians, understand it, and continue to advance. But the first step in any of this chain of happenings is to risk opening more Vaults.

In my time on Pandora, I have come across many terrible things, many strange things, and a select number of terribly strange people. Vault Hunters are exceptional individuals foolish, desperate, faithful, or mad enough to willingly seek out the Eridian Vaults, because, despite the fact that only two Vaults in history have not contained or been guarded by horrible, enormous monsters capable of levelling cities, the wealth that was generated for the openers of those two valuable Vaults was monumental. Even without opening a Vault, Vault Hunters have a tendency to pursue mercenary work, making use of and honing the violent skills necessary to survive the finding and opening of a Vault. Most Vault Hunters have become fabulously wealthy because of this frequent mercenary work, with one un-notable exception, because it is a sentient robot, and therefore not legally entitled to any sort of property.

What makes Vault Hunters absolutely essential to the fields of Eridian study is their willingness and drive to risk the most dangerous conditions this galaxy has yet to offer in pursuit of their namesake. Perhaps more importantly, everything of value we know about Eridians has come from a Vault. Had Mike, Gavin, Nathan, and Lucy not opened the Pluto Vault, the Human race would still be bound to the star of our conception by Einsteinian principles. But it takes more than just willpower to overcome the dangers inherent in opening a Vault; not only are they inescapably guarded by powerful Eridian defenses, there have been, without exception, myriad other obstacles delaying the opening of a Vault.

What sort of characteristics contribute to a Vault Hunter's success, and what might lead to their grisly, far-too-early death? There is no good answer to that question, because the number and subjectivity of the contributing factors precludes it, and no self-respecting scientist should quantify opinions. However, something I've learned on Pandora is that a perfect answer is less effective than a passable answer oftentimes, and in this case, a passable answer will have to do.

I am compiling biographies of Vault Hunters, survivors, mercenaries, and oddities I have met on Pandora. Ideally, these will aid in the documentation of their deeds, but if the only thing that this whole self-appointed mission accomplishes is help me keep track of these people, I will be satisfied.


	2. Axton

**Name:** Axton Perry

**Occupation:** Vault Hunter

**Planet of Origin:** Heironymus, 2000k-GB system

**Height:** 5'9", 1.73m

**Mass:** 86 kg

**History:** Axton was born on the planet Heironymus, a garden world famously similar in conditions to Terra, Sol-III, and a primary investment interest of the Dahl Corporation. Axton claims to have had an underwhelming childhood; his family was too middle-class to live in luxury, he was too short to be a major sportsman, and he was too bored to aspire to any career or opportunity on the planet.

Begin Audio Log

_"… So, I guess, there's not much else to tell. I just didn't see any reason to put much effort into school, y'know? I'm not dumb, wasn't dumb back then, either, but, not, like, smart enough for it to matter. If I'd done like my parents wanted, I'd have gone to a community college, become a civil engineer or something else equally unimpressive, and spent the rest of my life staring out at the stars I'd never get to see."_

End Audio Log

Axton grew up surrounded by Dahl propaganda, promising excitement, glory, and a balm for that ache that pulls all of us answer-seekers to the stars. He enlisted in Dahl's military mercenary outfit as an infantryman. After four years of service saw him hopping around the galaxy, rarely waking up under the same gravity he fell asleep in, he was placed under review for advanced Commando training. He survived the process and his life was officially military-or-bust—Dahl is not the sort of company to create multi-purpose killers.

Two more years of service passed, this time in the service of the Dahl Commandos, before Axton was promoted to the rank of Sergeant. In this time, he became close to the woman who would become his wife, his superior officer, Sarah.

He and Sarah were married in Axton's seventh year of service, beginning a famously volatile relationship.

Begin Audio Log

_"Yeah, Sarah and I were crazy in love. It wasn't no puppy-dog, 'Oh, wow, CO, your tits are so warm and your biceps are so big'—though they were, and they were—it was the kind of deal where, y'know, you'd gladly lay naked in the knee-deep mud with'em while you desperately tried to hold their insides inside while wishing to God that the smell of melting cities would blow off._

_We fought a lot, though, later on. I'd always been a bit of a maverick, but, er, well, I did some stuff that, y'know, in hindsight, wasn't so great, and Sarah wasn't the sort'a gal to give me a pass just 'cuz we were married. So, she sentenced me to death by firing squad, divorced me, and ordered me not to flee to Pandora to escape my sentence, because Dahl has next to no presence in the Epimetheus system anymore… God, I love that woman._

_...Hmm? Did she have a degree? Well, no, I mean, I don't think so…? The only military jobs Dahl offer that require a degree are medic and combat engineer, but—yeah, she was pretty smart, but—right now? Are you kiddin'!? Ooh-rah!"_

_[Shuffling]_

End Audio Log

**Description:** Axton, while not exceptionally tall given his planet of origin and military background, has proven to be an exceptional specimen of a human male. He has dirty blond hair, often made dirtier by his seemingly habitual aversion to performing anything more than the most basic of hygienic practices. The man reeks of deodorant most times, claiming to sweat excessively in the Pandoran heat, like some beast transplanted into a more hospitable climate than it is accustomed to. Despite his ability to grow a full, rough beard, he shaves, infrequently, as a half-hearted rejection of Dahl's well-known wartime policy requiring their men to wear beards. He is barrel-chested and brawny, and, when asked, enthusiastically provided data about his physical capabilities.

Weightlifting:

  * Bench Press 1-Rep Max (1RM): 350 lbs.
  * Squat 1RM: 500 lbs.
  * Deadlift 1RM: 650 lbs.
  * Bicep Curl: (Tirade about inconsistency in measurement, presents data ranging between 60 lbs. and 80 lbs., much flexing, very nice, probably a lot.)



Aerobic*

  * 1-Mile Run Time: 1.75 minutes
  * 3-Mile Run Time: 5.5 minutes
  * Dahl "Footslog" Training Course: 4.5 hours
  * Maximum Footspeed: 58 kph



Other

  * Stamina: Plenty



*Data measured under Pandoran gravity conditions, 0.4 g

Axton is generally good-humored, and prefers not view events too seriously. This can be a mixed blessing, as he rarely puts forth more than the minimum effort required for most things. However, he is incredibly devoted to his team.

Begin Audio Log

_"I don't like takin' life too serious, y'know? I spent my whole adult life learning that the only thing you'll manage with a stick up your ass is to die sore._

_...Hmm? Well, no, I take fights seriously… Yeah, fights, because that's my **job**. I mean, if I didn't, then that's not just relaxed. That's the sort of worthless, waste-of-time stuff I joined the military to not waste my life doing. I wanted to make a mark on the galaxies, and I decided early on I wanted it to be a big one._

_So, what could I do to make that mark **but** fightin'? I'm not a philosopher, so why should I bother tryin' to understand the whys and the wherefores of shit? Laughin' helps me remember that._

_But I'm a Vault Hunter, a Commando, and a warrior. I want to be the best damned combination of those things that I can be, even if it's just so I can say that I did. And, y'know, I, uh, really can't let my team down. I mean, first off, they're all warriors of some kind, too. I like fittin' in, helps group cohesion, even if—and I will hunt you down if you tell them this—I'm not sure if I'm as good a fighter as everyone else. Sure, I'm a good shot, I'm a tough guy, I'm fast as hell, I've got ten years of combat experience, but until I came to Pandora, I only ever needed to be good enough to get back to the evac shuttles when the fights were over. Pandora has been the biggest challenge I've faced._

_I think I'm findin' my niche in the team, though. Lemme tell you a story. When we first got blown off that train by Handsome **Jackhole** , I saw all these dangerous, experienced mercs, and I figured, hey, maybe they know what they're doin'. Maybe I can step down from the leadership role I'd been playin' the past three years._

_We almost got killed by **Bullymongs** three minutes after gettin' our feet. Sure, everyone was an amazing fighter, but not a one of'em was a team player. Zer0 would be lining up a shot, and then Maya would phaselock it and ruin his shot, Krieg got in the way of Gaige and Salvador's bullets—intentionally—and it was just a fuckin' **mess**. I've done my best to get'em to communicate, work together, play off each others' strengths. I think that's what my legacy is gonna end up bein'—I got a bunch'a better warriors to cooperate!_

_...Don't tell'em, but I've started signin' off as **Sergeant** Axton Perry again."_

End Audio Log

**Notable Relationships (Audio Logs):**

Begin Audio Logs

Salvador, fellow Vault Hunter: _"Sally's a fun sort of guy, reminds me a lot of the Commandos back on Hades, cannibalism, cruelty, callous indifference and all… I don't like_ _hangin' with_ _Salvador, to be honest."_

Maya, fellow Vault Hunter: _"She pretends she can't stand me, but she likes having another cooler head in our merry little band of misfits and maniacs. Don't tell'er I know that, though, or she might beat the shit out of me. She's made it pretty clear that she doesn't want anything much to do with me."_

Zer0, fellow Vault Hunter: _"Zer0's an enigma, but he's the worst_ _ **sort**_ _of enigma, where he thinks_ _that the whole_ _"_ _ **el mysterio**_ _" thing is endearing or cool_ _, y'know? And then, either he's right, 'cuz his true identity is a big deal, and he can smugly condescend us for not thinkin' he's hot shit, or he's wrong, and he's just been bein' an annoyin' git this whole time over nothin'. Other than that, though, he's a good guy to have coverin' ya. Take motherfuckers apart at any distance, any day, yes please."_

Gaige, fellow Vault Hunter: _"Gaige is a good kid. Reminds me a lot of myself, when I was younger. Bright kid, fresh onto the scene, full'a new ideas and rebellion. I just hope I'm not there when she figures out there are no new ideas and how often rebellion ends in totalitarianism. But, damn, you seen'er in a fight? That Anarchy program she's got installed is insane. And she built that robot herself? It's tougher than a_ _year_ _-old skag-steak marinaded in formeldahyde._ _"_

Krieg, fellow Vault Hunter: _"I like goin' on missions with Krieg, 'cuz he's a big'ol bullet sponge, and he just keeps on eatin'em up, 'til BAM! Spits all that hurt right back in Charlie's face. Good team player, too—he's got this trick, he does it when one of us are downed, he'll jab ya with a big'ol syringe, pump a bunch'a his own blood into ya, and it's like gettin' shot up with morphine and insta-health and angry. I don't know, y'know, much about his whole slag vendetta thing, but, I'd be there for'im if it ever came up."_

Brick, fellow Vault Hunter: _"Brick's a nice guy when he's not mad, and he's also a nice guy when he is. I can't really say anything bad about'im, 'cuz he's so cool when he's cool, and so cool when he's runnin' hot, too, y'know?"_

Mordecai, fellow Vault Hunter: _"Mordecai… There's a can'a worms. We get on okay, but the guy's just, like, permanently depressed, or somethin'. He was gettin' better, over at WamBam Island, but, y'know, I still haven't talked to him much."_

Doctor Lilith Cashlin, fellow Vault Hunter, Mercenary Scientist: _"Lilith's like my older sister, in a lot of ways. She's strong,_ _lookin' out for us less-experienced Vault Hunters,_ _constantly strivin' to improve herself, always tryin' to do what needs to be done… Just hope she doesn't die like my older sister did, tryin' to keep up with a world that's got hundreds of years' headstart."_

Athena, fellow Vault Hunter: _"I mean, she told Gaige and I some stories, but her stories were pretty shit, and, y'know,_ _she's_ _kind of arrogant..."_

Roland, former Vault Hunter: _"_ _Seemed like a great guy, but I d_ _idn't know'im well enough to_ _really_ _say, sorry."_

CL4P-TP, former Vault Hunter: _"Alas, for our poor, formerly Vault-Hunting friend, Claptrap. He will be missed. No, you said_ _ **former**_ _Vault Hunter, no need for euphemisms,_ _I get it,_ _he's kicked_ _the bucket_ _._ _Bit the bullet. Boarded the 11:59 express._ _Poor guy. Next?"_

Sir Hammerlock, hunter, scholar, and gentleman: _"_ _Hammerlock? Oh, he's a riot. Really tryin' his best to understand the wildlife of Pandora. But, y'know, who else has invited all of us to a huntin' lodge on the other side of the planet, just 'cuz they wanna hang out and have some adventures with us? He's an honorary Vault Hunter, s'far as I'm concerned."_

Mad Moxxi, criminal mastermind: _"_ _Ah, ahem, yeah, Mad Moxxi. She's a, ah, a real piece'a work, huh? She's got that whole, whew, mad-hatter aesthetic goin' on. Yeah, well, y'know, I really do like her. She took a huge-as_ _s—oh and it is—_ _risk leavin' the Hodunk clan, and she cares so much about her kids—it's hard to see her so torn up."_

Scooter, mechanic: _"Too soon, man."_

Ellie, mechanic: _"She's a special kind'a gal. She's got the bandits of the Dust so terrified of'er, they don't go within a thousand feet of'er. I dunno what she's done to get that level of notoriety, but she's managed that on top of bein' one'a the sweetest, most helpful gals I've met, so I like her."_

Marcus Kincaid, arms dealer: _"Marcus sells me ammo and, rarely, other weapons, and hires me for jobs sometimes, but he's a bit of a cock."_

Zed, not actually a doctor: _"Doctor Zed's a favorite of mine, 'cuz he's got a business, and he sells us insta-health syringes, and black-market surgery specialized for Pandora, but he's also a nice guy, like, if you ever just chat while he's workin' on somethin'."_

Crazy Earl, black marketer: _"You're really scrapin' the bottom of the barrel of people I know."_

Mr. Mr. Torgue High-Five Flexington, the soul of Torgue: _"_ _He's got a fistful of dynamite and a headful of loud. He's a nice fella, though._ _"_

Shade, entrepreneur: _"Literally who?"_

Captain Scarlett, pirate: _"I mean, she stabbed us in the back, but we had full disclosure, from her, from the beginning, that she would, so, y'know, I can't hate'er for it… Well, I could, if we hadn't won. Then I'd feed her remaining limbs to Salvador."_

Tiny Tina, explosives enthusiast: _"She's a little kid with no sense of reality and she's gonna die, crying, because she's too stubborn to admit she needs help or acknowledge danger."_

_Mr. Handsome Jack_ _,_ former Hyperion CEO _: "Jack's dead, too, Tannis, I don't have no relations to dead people."_

Angel, former daughter of Handsome Jack, former Hyperion CEO: _"_ _God, you're probin' pretty deep here. I didn't know it 'till I met'er, but Angel was the reason I was fighting Jack. Her, and everyone_ _else_ _that delusional psycho hurt..._ _I wish I could'a saved the kid."_

Doctor Patricia Tannis, interviewer: _"Well, I mean, I appreciate how you helped us with the Vault. And you hired us a couple'a times. I'd like to say—yeah? Oh, you know it. You—what? You want me to say it again? C'mon, I already regret sayin' it the once, it's kinda embarrassin'. I just—ugh. Fuckin' fine. You owe me. Ah-hem… Ooh-rah!"_

_[Shuffling]_

End Audio Logs

**Combat** **Style and Skills** **:** Axton has training as a Dahl Commando, which provides an enormous spectrum of battlefield skills. The Commando in concept is meant to be a one-man army, able to adapt to any role a battlefield might present. His Sabre Turret and startling alacrity allow him to maintain a presence across an entire battlefield.

Axton is a skilled marksman, but he, by his own admission, is not a nearly the perfectionist that Zer0 is when it comes to shooting. "Close enough" is "good enough" for Axton. This is just as well, as much of his energy in combat is already devoted to coordinating his teammates. His years of experience in squad-based combat, combined with his wide battlefield presence, allow him to function as a sort of unrecognized, unacknowledged, unofficial team leader among his fellows.

**Gear of Note:**

1 x Dahl Manufacture Sabre Turret. Warning: Multiple third-party modifications have rendered the warranty on this tool void.

1 x Dahl-Manufacture Combat Hatchet. This tried-and-true design can be adapted to most any field purpose. The high-grade carbon-steel composition and mono-edged blade came standard; the names notched off the blade did not.

1 x Wedding Ring, gold.

1 x Flask, containing a mixture of 200-proof liquor and dissolved nitrous oxide, labelled " _Always a warm day in Hell!_ "

2 x Titanium-Plated Balls.


	3. Krieg

Note: Krieg has some condition—an aversion, a disorder, or something along those lines—that prevents him providing coherent answers to any of my questions, in any language I have utilized—English, Truxican, Frouengh, or Classical Eridian, instead gibbering in whatever language I addressed him in. Answers to interview questions are estimations based on my best interpretations of his psychotic ravings.

**Name:** Krieg (possibly Baxter Brigitte, possibly Jordan Russel)

**Occupation:** Vault Hunter

**Planet of Origin:** Hera (Answer was extrapolated from a rant), Olympus system

**Height:** 6'6", 1.98 m

**Mass:** 151 kg

**History:** (Krieg could not relay what he wants for breakfast, much less a personal history he obviously does not remember. This is the result of my own research into the subject matter.)

Krieg shows biological markers that indicate an age between thirty-five and fourty-five years (though, of course, the validity of these markers as an indicator of age is questionable in one so heavily mutated by slag exposure.)

Approximately three years ago, Krieg was subjected to Hyperion slag experimentation. Perhaps as a result, Krieg has developed several worrying mental conditions, and with no psychiatrists on Pandora, it falls to me to attempt to categorize his symptoms.

Krieg displays signs of psychosis, pyromania, _KZ Syndrome_ , and potentially _DID_.

Observations made by his fellow Vault Hunters, combined with his personal history, given the methods by which Hyperion gathered subjects for its slag experiments, seem to indicate that Krieg once had a significant other, or possibly a family. Attempts to ascertain the truth of the matter resulted in a thirty-minute chase through the streets of Sanctuary and now my office will be uninhabitable for human life for the next several centuries.

Miscellaneously, Krieg has claimed to be/have been all of the following, to me and/or his teammates.

  * Conductor of the Poop Train (Implausible)
  * Baxter Brigitte, CEO of HappyCow Industries (a meat-processing company which became a subsidiary of Vladof in the year 3014, C.E., Possible)
  * Mr. Handsome Jack, deceased CEO of Hyperion (Impossible)
  * The classical Abrahamic angels Azrael, Jehoel, and Sandalphon (Impossible)
  * The Devil himself (Impossible)
  * A man named Jordan Russel (Possible)
  * A woman named Tiffany Marianne-DuFont (Implausible)
  * Krieg, a psychotic pyromaniac pursuing a career in Vault Hunting (Given)
  * The One Who Waits Behind the Wall (Impossible)
  * The person who soaked my notes in skag urine (Fuck him)
  * An Eridian construct (Implausible)
  * Super Meat Boy (Impossible)



**Description:** Krieg is a mutated human, as evidenced by his external features. He stands at six-and-a-half feet tall, nearly two meters, and his body is swollen obscenely with unnaturally-proportioned muscle. However, beneath the mutated meat that has grown in him, his frame seems to hint at a once-leaner, lankier build. Either way, an examination of his strange tissue structures has revealed an enormous muscular density, contributing to a 1g weight of nearly three-hundred-fifty pounds. After sequencing his genome from a blood sample and isolating the modified portions, his mutation seems to be a more refined strain of the same mutations commonly found among the psychotic eridium miners of Pandora.

The differences lie in the phylogenetic expression of the mutation. A psycho mutant will usually display one grotesquely elongated "attack" limb, and the other limb shrivels away into nothing as its flesh is used to fuel the growth of the attack limb. They also feature enlarged torsos, with expanded ribcages and swollen musculature. Lastly, they will feature a denser, more space-efficient musculature. Krieg, while indeed possessed of abnormally large arms and an enormously over-muscled back and shoulders, does not seem to display, visually, at least, the psycho mutation. It is when he is injured that the mutation begins to rear its face.

Krieg's somatic cells produce a strange protein that is sensitive to fibrinogen and adrenaline, two substances that are abundant in the human bloodstream after injuries. This protein triggers an enormously accelerated growth spurt, which produces, for as long as it is active in the blood, a similar set of physical mutations to the common psycho mutant, with some slight differences. Krieg's right arm grows, as it is the arm he favors for melee combat, while his left arm remains unchanged. The mechanism of his transformation (one cannot create more biomass by losing it, no matter how badass) is tied to a digistruction projector he wears on his shoulder, which detects the activated protein-fibrinogen-adrenaline complex and supplies the bio-matter needed to fuel the incredible growth of his body.

Additionally, and interestingly, his body passively regenerates from injuries at an astonishing rate, but Krieg doesn't seem to notice. According to eyewitness accounts from his fellow Vault Hunters, Krieg has been observed to be shot full of bullets and heal from the injuries, only to continue to limp as though still injured, until a minor wound causes him to collapse in screaming agony (or ecstasy, or arousal, or any number of reactions). However, any time he kills (by any means, but his axe produces the most consistent results), he seems to notice that his wounds are gone and he is not dying.

Another aspect of his mutation is the strange relationship his body shares with slag. His body metabolizes eridium-slag at a far greater rate than is usual for humans. His cells contain protein structures that, when introduced to slag, convert it into a clear, volatile, purified form of slag that ignites in the presence of oxygen. Perhaps as a result of the presence of this fluid and these protein structures, his blood is black and corrosive, and his innards are tinted purple. Additionally, his teammates are adamant that they have seen him spewing fire. This hints at a potential specialized organ, meant to collect and expel this slag-extract.

Further inquiry into the matter of his mutation will have to wait until he agrees to submit to a more thorough examination without demanding to perform an examination on myself first. I estimate that he will agree sometime before the year 3050.

Krieg suffers from some unknown host of mental disorders, of which, I and Zed (not a doctor, but experienced with the psychos of Pandora) are only certain of psychosis and pyromania. Some symptoms (tics, impulses, themes of dialogue) that he commonly displays include:

  * Twitching and spasms (Teammates report that these are halted when Krieg is on fire—coping mechanism?)
  * Unfocused gaze
  * Speaking to himself
  * Sadomasochistic urges
  * Preoccupation with justice (I have listened to him talk to himself in his sleep, and he says hardly a word that isn't about righting some great past wrong—I suspect he will kill someone to accomplish this goal)
  * Rapid mood shifts
  * Attachment to his teammates (Maya, Gaige, and Axton seem to be favorites)
  * Desire to locate some unknown female



If this hasn't been made clear yet, Krieg is not terribly forthcoming about his motivations or background. It could very well be that he is trying to answer my questions when I ask, but what to him seems a reasonable enough answer is, for me, a thrilling run for my life from the pyromaniacal psycho with the enormous buzzaxe towards someone whom he likes enough to listen to.

**Notable Relationships (Audio Logs):**

Begin Audio Logs

Salvador, fellow Vault Hunter: _"_ _Argh, the prawn is a diabolical arthropod, possessed of two_ _ **meaty**_ _claws for seizing its prey, and a shell all but im-per-vi-ous to attack! Fortunately, I know where to strike for_ _ **massive damage**_ _! Oh, but the_ _ **wick-ed-ness**_ _of its gaze! The terror it lays upon us! Who could bear to behold its visage? Ah, but then, if such a villain it be, how can it abide by the humble frog, the marvelous loon? Can_ _ **redemption**_ _be found? What does it seek?"_

Maya, fellow Vault Hunter: _"_ _A_ _ **hurricane**_ _of blue rolling in, and what a_ _ **sight**_ _to see! Is there a man alive who could look upon it and not be_ _ **floored**_ _by the_ _ **ma-jes-ty**_ _? Is there one who could_ _ **dare**_ _to throw himself into the storm? The water washes away the blood, until_ _ **all**_ _I can see is the man I used to be! The depths took me by the hand, and hauled my eyes to_ _ **heaven**_ _, and now, all I can do is climb!"_

Zer0, fellow Vault Hunter: _"_ _Wake up_ _ **bathed**_ _in_ _ **blood**_ _,_ _ **soul**_ _l-ess,_ _ **heart-**_ _less, with no name,_ _ **aching**_ _for purpose."_

Axton, fellow Vault Hunter: _"_ _The_ _ **meat marine men**_ _march from different hives, but the meat_ _ **throbs**_ _in unison! He and his hair are welcome anytime!"_

Gaige, fellow Vault Hunter: _"_ _Haha,_ _the pencil-maiden presses her_ _ **pug-i-lis-tic power**_ _upon_ _ **people**_ _and_ _ **planet**_ _alike, punctiliousness be p_ _assed! We look upon the children, but all we see is our_ _ **failures**_ _and_ _ **failings**_ _, and why should it matter? You left them to die, you left it behind, it was yours, not theirs!"_

Brick, fellow Vault Hunter: _"_ _I've_ _ **eaten**_ _bigger than you!"_

Mordecai, fellow Vault Hunter: _"_ _Pity took indignation behind a shed and_ _ **gibbed**_ _it with a meat-hook. The_ _ **cock**_ _wakes us with his crowing, but_ _ **mourning**_ _comes with or without our wanting."_

Doctor Lilith Cashlin, fellow Vault Hunter, Mercenary Scientist: _"_ _Heheh,_ _ **praise be**_ _! I like my flesh as_ _ **rare**_ _as possible, thanks."_

Athena, fellow Vault Hunter: _"_ _What's a man got but himself? She took the blows, but not once have they been for her."_

Roland, former Vault Hunter: _"_ _Ah-ah-ah, I feel a chill._ _ **Dying**_ _!"_

CL4P-TP, former Vault Hunter: _"_ _I'll take_ _two number nines, and a side of_ _ **shut up**_ _!"_

Sir Hammerlock, hunter, scholar, and gentleman: _"_ _Heh,_ _ **bon-er-fart**_ _."_

Mad Moxxi, criminal mastermind, entrepreneur: _"_ _G_ _ettin' busy back on the battlefield of bleeding hearts. A_ _ **mother**_ _should_ _ **never**_ _have to bury a baby boy, bless her."_

Scooter, entrepreneur, mechanic: "... **Catch** a **ride**!"

End Audio Logs

(Krieg spent a week driving around the planet listening to blues, and eventually came back to finish his interview.)

Begin Audio Logs

Ellie, mechanic: _"_ _Fairies wear boots, I swear, I've seen it!"_

Marcus Kincaid, entrepreneur, arms dealer: _"_ _Slugs wish they could be snails, for all the_ _little_ _shell_ _s do_ _. But even a snail's just slimy, squishy_ _and soft_ _."_

Zed, entrepreneur, not actually a doctor: _"_ _Worst practitioner on Pandora, but_ _ **picked primarily**_ _par the course."_

Crazy Earl, black marketer: _"_ _Haha, your mom sucks_ _ **eridium**_ _!"_

Mr. Mr. Torgue High-Five Flexington, the soul of Torgue: _"_ _Strip the_ _ **shirts**_ _first!"_

Shade, entrepreneur: (Laughter, as though thoroughly ashamed on someone else's behalf.)

Captain Scarlett, pirate: _"_ _I'm gonna_ _ **peel**_ _the skin of her face away, and scrape her_ _intestines out_ _, and_ _ **saw**_ _her veins into a_ _ **halo**_ _of innocent_ _ **betrayal**_ _!"_

Tiny Tina, explosives enthusiast: _"..._ _Sir_ _Killwrath Angrycuss the Terrible_ _says shut up."_

Mr. Handsome Jack, former Hyperion CEO: _"_ _There's a lot of psychos on Pandora. Some_ _find their madness here_ _, sometimes the mad find us. Some are small, most are tall. Some scream 'Meat!' some scream 'Challenge me!' and some scream 'Bandits!' but we're all wearing masks."_

Angel, former daughter of Handsome Jack, former Hyperion CEO: _"_ _ **Fuck off**_ _,_ _ **Tannis**_ _."_

Doctor Patricia Tannis, interviewer: _"_ _Do you_ _ **deserve**_ _the_ _ **answer**_ _I'd give you? It rhymes with_ _ **earning breath**_ _."_

End Audio Logs

**Combat Style and Skills:** Krieg is a terrifyingly powerful melee combatant. In the heat of battle, his madness grants him extraordinary resilience and strength. Watching others suffer from fire, electricity, or acid works nearly as well as killing at revitalizing him, in addition to enhancing his reflexes. Being engulfed in flames himself steadies his hands, sharpens his aim, strengthens his blows, and numbs him to pain. Additionally, he is capable of ejecting flames from his mouth, in the forms of a stream of flame or a burning sphere of fuel. Pain, in general, invigorates him, sharpening his reflexes, strengthening him, and he modifies his gear to reduce the recharging capabilities of his shields. Causing pain and killing works him into a focused frenzy. When motivated, he is capable of, at will, succumbing to a mad rage, wherein his body works itself to its fullest extent, at the cost of reduced perceptiveness.

Krieg is a terrible shot, under most circumstances. He has one good eye and suffers from muscle spasms and twitching. The pain of being aflame steadies him, compensating for being half-blind and quite unstable. However, he is an over-eager combatant, much of the time. His rampage skill hampers decision-making, and his teammates have watched him nearly be killed whilst chasing down fleeing midgets. He is improving with the aid of his companions, though. He is much better able to focus under duress, and his rage is honed to, if not a razor's edge, then a buzz-axe's.

**Gear of Note:**

1 x Buzz-Axe, this modular buzz-axe is a ramshackle collection of parts stripped from countless others. There is no hint of the platonic tool that all buzz-axes once were in this weapon; it has been custom-crafted through adversity and necessity to be a perfect killing machine.

1 x Heavy Eridium Mining Mask, unknown manufacture, worn because _of course_ the psycho has a mask. The mask seems to have a mind of its own at times. Its exterior is cold and severe, and, even without a wearer, its deep-set gaze piercingly serves as a reminder of past wrongdoing.

1 x Eyepatch.

1 x Bouncy Bunny Comb, rendered nearly unrecognizable by radiation burns.

1 x Photo Album, unknown contents, now contains the former tip of my pinkie finger.

1 x Bio-Digistruction Projector, attached to a harness/collar.

3 x sets of dog tags, belonging to Johnathan "Jack" Jackson, and Jordan and Tiffany of the Marianne-DuFont family.

**Author's Note:**

> Regarding this whole debacle, it was an idea I've had for a while now. I needed a way to articulate my characterizations of the main characters of my fiction, and writing shitty biographies from Tannis' POV seemed a good enough idea. The end result is me having a much clearer idea of the sort of characters I'm writing about, and, hopefully, you've enjoyed reading my working towards that understanding.


End file.
